Lost Souls
by Shanti.Writes
Summary: Lupin, Snape early childhood. Maruaders and Snape later school years as seen through the eyes of a Ravenclaw student as she develops fascination for our favorite Slytherin. Complete. Beta'd, Brit Picked, & revised as of 8,14,05. AU to HBP
1. Chapter 1 Innocence of Children

This is a fanfiction based in the world of Harry Potter, created by JK Rowling. All her characters, obviously, are hers. All original characters are mine. No Pecuniary Rewards. NO Spoilers to Half Blood Prince, as this story and the story which immediately follows were written (and just barely completed) before that book was released. There are spoilers for all other JKR books.

**Alternate Universe to Half-Blood Prince.**

I must credit Annii Frazier with first introducing me to the intricacies of Snape's character, as she portrayed him on the first online roleplaying game I joined. Many years and many other 'Snapes' and fansite lurkings later, I have a much broader view of his character than I would have gleaned on my own. My Severus Snape, in this story, is my own interpretation, but is highly coloured by the information I have gathered over the years from many sources.

Many, many people have assisted me along the way with this story, and I would like to take a moment to thank them. First, my first-ever Beta, Elaine, who has now beta'd every chapter, numerous times. Padfoot the Marauder also assisted for many chapters in the middle of the story. Kirasha, aka JL, who stepped in to help beta the end chapters when I was trying to hurry and finish the story before the release of HBP. More recently, Vaughn and JackieJLH who have helped me place the finishing polish on the story and my own mechanics, in preparation for submission to Sycophant Hex. Thanks also to Vaughn and WitchEcho for Brit-Picking for me. Lastly, thank you to my reviewers at FFN and AFF who kindly pointed out errors and roughness when this was my first-ever, unbeta'd attempt at public writing. That was, indeed, very scary. I'm glad to say that I have improved tremendously since then, though there is always room for more.

This particular bit is the Prologue to the main story, Lost Souls Found. Both stories stand well enough on their own, but richness is gained by reading this first.

Summary: MWPP era. Lupin and Snape in their early childhood and later school years, as seen through the eyes of a Ravenclaw student (OFC) as she develops a fascination for our favorite Slytherin. Rated PG for some oblique reference to war and Death Eater violence.

* * *

LOST SOULS

* * *

Chapter 1: Innocence of Children

* * *

Most stories start at the beginning. We will get there eventually. But first, gentle reader, I must start Before, so you may understand how two such unlikely people came to be who they are. Only then can you understand what you will watch them become.

The Lupins were a fine, respectable wizarding family. They were both wizards, though Mrs Lupin was Muggleborn. Mr and Mrs Lupin did not care about the significance of such things; however, the society in which they lived did. Their children were considered "half-blood" because of Mrs Lupin's heritage.

Jonathan Lupin was one of the Chief Healers at St. Mungo's. His wife, Rebecca Lupin, had been a Primary School teacher at a private wizarding school, but she had resigned for the present to raise their family.

Their first child was their pride and joy. Remus John Lupin was a fine, strong boy, with honey-brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and a warm, friendly smile. He was gregarious and outgoing, constantly getting into everything, and brilliant. Of course, this was the biased opinion of proud and doting parents.

It was several years before they were blessed with a second child. Remus was four-and-a-half years old and could not wait to be a big brother to the new baby to come.

Remus had found a nest of wild baby Kneazles that he had been watching, feeding the mother and trying to make friends. He hoped to catch one of the kits as a present for the new baby. The nest was hidden within the small wooded green, which stood behind their housing estate and was a popular play area for the local children.

One fateful evening, Rebecca was feeling particularly exhausted by her very advanced pregnancy, and John was working late. She'd been reading a story to Remus and had just fallen asleep, mid-sentence. Remus grabbed a nearby quilt and placed it tenderly over his mother, patting her large tummy with affection.

"I'm going to go catch your Kneazle now, little baby," he whispered to her round abdomen. "Your big brother will have a present for you when you get here."

It was a fine mid-July evening, warm and bright from the fullness of the moon in the perfectly clear star-speckled sky. Remus knew exactly where he was going, and also knew that the mother Kneazle hunted at night. The kits were old enough to survive without her. The new baby was due to be born any day. Tonight was the perfect opportunity to try and catch a kit to bring home.

With the fearless curiosity of many four year-old children, he dawdled, skipped, and played along as he went. At last he reached the nest of kits, but it was a horrible sight. Something—what could do such a thing? Something had killed all of them! The entire nest full, the mother too, had been torn to bits. Not eaten, not in defense, but just ripped to pieces for the apparent delight in killing.

Remus screamed in shock and horror and fell to his knees, crying bitterly.

He did not hear the stealthy approach of the creature behind him until it was much, much too late. A huge beast pounced upon him and bit heavily into his chest. The crushing pain and weight of the creature wiped Remus from consciousness immediately.

* * *

John Lupin arrived home to see his wife sleeping peacefully on the couch, a storybook in her lap, and a blanket clumsily drawn up over her. He smiled tenderly.

Remus.

He was so kind and responsible, looking out for others, even at his young age. Quietly, he looked around the house, not wanting to wake Rebecca. His peaceful contentment gradually morphed into fear when he realized Remus was nowhere to be found. This heightened further when he spotted the back door standing wide open. He quickly woke Rebecca as gently as he could.

"Becky, wake up. You must wake up," he said in soft tones, not wanting to startle her. "Remus seems to have gone outside. I need to go look for him. Call the neighbours, will you, and see if he's there?"

She woke at once, fear gripping her heart, ashamed of falling asleep. "John! Oh Merlin, John, I fell asleep! How could I not watch my own child?" Her voice was nearly hysterical, and he was forced to speak more firmly.

"Becky, stop. He's done this before, we both know that. You were exhausted, love. I'm sure he's fine. I just need to find him. Don't leave the house in case he returns. I'll be back soon."

John then left and headed for the woods. Having played there himself as a boy, he knew full well the lure it had for curious children. He was not terribly worried, only a bit annoyed. The boy shouldn't have frightened his mother like this. He shouldn't be outside alone after dark. Though, truly, the light of the moon was quite bright, and visibility was fine and clear.

He broke into a run and pulled out his wand when he heard an anguished scream, followed by bitter crying. Remus! He ran towards the sound, arriving just in time to see the huge, hairy shape lunge at his son. Without thinking he leveled his wand, gasped, "Avada Kedavra," and killed the creature. The force of the curse threw the thing off of Remus. John fell to his knees at his son's side to assess the extent of his wounds.

If Jonathan Lupin had not been an excellent Healer, Remus would have died on the spot. As it was, it took long minutes of strong, intensive healing magic to repair the damage. Crushed ribs. Lacerated liver. Bilateral lung punctures. Massive bruising to the heart. Clinically, John catalogued the injuries and treated them, one by one, starting with the most life-threatening. He couldn't let himself think or feel as a parent. He had to heal the wounds before he could think of this small, injured body as his son.

_What on earth was that thing? What was it doing in these woods? This was barely a ten-acre patch of not even particularly dense trees and bushes! Perhaps it was a stray dog gone feral or even rabid._ These thoughts flitted through the back of his mind even as he focused on the life-or-death task at hand.

Nearly half an hour had passed while John worked on his boy. The wounds seemed to heal with great difficulty, as though somehow resistant to the healing magic. At last he was certain he would live. He would be fine. John was not able to mend the skin completely—Remus would have an impressive scar to brag about to his friends as he grew up, but he would live. John's fear was lifting, leaving him trembling from the adrenaline, close to tears of stress and relief.

"Merlin's Beard!"

A harsh curse sounded just behind him. Tony Schmidt, a wizard neighbor and good friend, had found them.

"It's okay, Tony. I found him in time. He's going to be fine." Jonathan's voice was weak with relief.

Tony's voice, though, was thick, choked and unnatural as he said, "John… it might have been better if you had let him go…"

John rounded on his friend, enraged. What on earth would make him say such a thing? His normally mild and friendly countenance was contorted in an ugly sneer… but the harsh words and angry tirade died on his lips.

There, on the floor of the woods, where a short while ago had lain the body of the feral dog John had killed, now lay the naked body of a man…a werewolf had attacked his son. _A werewolf had bitten Remus_… Remus was now a werewolf himself. John's mind struggled to grasp the whirlwind of clinical knowledge, legal ramifications and the sheer horror of the situation.

Werewolves were caught and killed immediately by the Ministry of Magic whenever they were discovered. It was one of the sad shames of the wizarding world. There was no cure, and the Ministry could not risk the entire populace becoming infected. Many fine and upstanding citizens had been executed once they were found to be infected.

Tony knelt down next to John Lupin, his face full of concern.

"John, listen. I won't tell anyone. You're a Healer—you know what will happen from here. You're a good friend, and he's a great boy. You go move to the countryside somewhere, and no one will ever have to know. I'll wait until you're back home with the boy and I'll contact the Ministry about this one. I'll say I saw it when I was walking the dog. No one needs to know."

John gripped his friend's hand in grateful relief. He was devastated over his son's cursed fate, but at least he would have a chance at life. Picking up his son, he managed a hoarse, "Thank you, Tony," to his friend before rushing home.

The surprises of the evening weren't over, however. After tucking Remus into bed and fearfully telling Rebecca what had happened, they sat quietly for a while staring into the empty fireplace, each lost in their own thoughts. The stress, however, induced labor in Rebecca Lupin. In short order, in the relative peace of her own home and tended by her husband, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

Rowena Danae Lupin drew her first breath on the same day her brother was infected by lycanthropy.

* * *

Far away, in a much colder, harsher part of the country, amidst mountainous hills and valleys, stood a huge old house, nearly big enough to be considered a mansion. It was obvious that it had once been very stately, though it now bore obvious signs of serious decay and neglect. In this house lived another four-and-a-half-year-old boy. Well, if not lived, at least existed.

The light of the full moon revealed this boy, thin for his age and very, very pale, sneaking out of the house and running into a small barn behind it. He was cradling his right arm and making the horrible snuffling noises of a child desperately trying not to cry. His hair was as black as the dark night around him, but thin and fine so it hung in lank strands to his shoulders.

He found a corner of the barn piled with soft hay and curled there in a ball, clutching his grossly deformed arm. At last the tears would not be held off any longer, and he sobbed bitterly in fear and pain. Shouts and screams could be heard coming from the house for a long while, even from this distance. Eventually, all was silent.

Footsteps outside alerted the boy to the presence of another and he shrank back into the shadows. Trying to be small and hidden, he sucked in the sounds of pain his body longed to voice over the horribly broken arm.

When the door opened, the figure that stepped inside was not tall and broad but thin and slight. She limped painfully, but carried no light. In the darkness, he heard her voice.

"Severus? Severus, it's okay. He's sleeping. Come here, son, and let me help you—are you hurt?"

His mother's soft voice comforted him and he approached her where she stood in the patch of moonlight from the window. Horrified, he stared at her. Her pretty face was swollen and bruised almost beyond recognition. Her auburn hair was matted with blood and there were marks at her throat as though someone had tried to strangle her. Her clear, hazel eyes were almost completely obscured by the purplish swelling of her eyelids. However, she paid no attention to her own injuries, kneeling down and hugging her son to her breast.

"Your father had a bad day, love. He doesn't mean to be cruel. We must try to do our best to avoid him tomorrow, okay? Now, let me see your arm."

With tender and practiced care, she pulled out her wand and gently healed the break. As she did so, she taught him the words and the motions to the spell. Her heart told her he would have need of these things long before he should be old enough to understand them.

She was the wife of a cruel and sadistic man by arranged marriage. The Snape family was well known for its purity of bloodlines and it's familiarity with Dark Magic. Wizards from these sorts of powerful, Dark Magic-wielding, "old blood" families preferred to avoid the disgrace of divorce. If there was conflict, the common method of dealing with the problem was to kill the unsatisfactory spouse—as well as any unsatisfactory offspring—and begin again. She would endure what she must to protect her son for as long as she could.

Still, sometimes she saw his father's temper and disgust at her weakness staring accusingly at her from behind his young eyes. Severus was the image of his father physically. She hoped to raise him to have the human compassion and goodness his father lacked.

She knew Severus thought she was weak, that she should stand up to his father, that somehow she could stop the beatings and their pain. He was too young to understand how truly powerless she was.

When the boy's wounds were healed, she directed the wand to her own, again teaching him, showing him spells that would heal internal injuries as well as external ones. Then she took him to the gardener's shed against the rear of the house and showed him a secret place she had built into the workbench there. Inside was a concealed wand—a spare she had managed to buy and hide from her husband.

Master Devin Snape was often gone on business. They seldom had to endure his company, his rages and his beatings. Sometimes months would pass without seeing him. Alyssa spent this precious freedom teaching her son everything she knew. Healing potions, healing spells. She secreted away what money and valuables she could in the hiding place which concealed the wand, along with papers detailing an account in Severus' name at Gringotts. Always preparing him for a time when she would not be there.

But for now, she _was_ there. It was a fine July evening, though the breeze was cool and brisk. Their own small corner of hell made them oblivious to the world beyond it. It mattered not to them that far away, one Lupin had become a werewolf on the same day that another Lupin was born.


	2. Chapter 2 Childhood Memories

This is a fanfiction based in JKR's world of Harry Potter. Original characters are mine. All others are hers. Please see the first chapter for full disclaimers and detailed thanks to my awesome betas. I've had a _lot_ of help with this story!

* * *

Chapter 2: Childhood Memories

* * *

The Lupin family immediately moved to the countryside. Becky's Muggle parents were dairy farmers and cheerfully allowed their daughter's family to build a second house on the property in which to live. Jonathan kept his practice at St. Mungo's and simply Apparated to work. Rebecca resumed her teaching duties, this time as private instructor of her own two children. Remus doted on Rowena from the instant he woke and saw her. He didn't recall much of what had happened to him that fateful night, aside from the grief he'd felt over the Kneazles.

On the farm, John and Becky kept the children isolated. Loving grandparents close at hand aided in keeping them happy and entertained so they scarcely noticed the absence of other children. They were each other's best and only friends. They traipsed through streams and ponds, up trees—though Remus always had to climb up and get Rowena down, as she was afraid of heights—and generally explored the wide world together.

They bore a strong resemblance to each other. In colouring, they were a monotony of light, mousy-brown. Rowena often joked that they had both been dipped in the same barrel of honey-brown paint before birth and let it go at that, the "Powers That Be" being otherwise too busy to make their colouring more interesting or unique. Eyes, hair, even the lightly tanned, olive complexion added to the uniformity. Their facial features were strikingly similar, though hers were a more feminine, delicate casting of his.

They were, in short, as their grandmother often teased, "As close as two peas in a pod."

On nights of the full moon, Rowena was led to believe that it was Remus' 'turn' to have a sleep-over at their grandparents' house. John would take Remus to a specially prepared cellar under the barn. He would give Remus a potion of the strongest painkiller he could safely use and place chickens inside with him, so his son would have something to vent his killing lust upon when in his wolf form. At dawn, Becky would retrieve him, bathe him, and tend to any wounds he had inflicted upon himself during the night. He would be in the house as normal by the time Rowena was awake.

Rowena, for her part, idolised her older brother. He read to her. He brushed and braided her hair. He tended her scrapes when they were out playing in the fields. He studied with her, delighting in her thirst for knowledge and learning which quickly matched his, causing their parents to jokingly complain that there would be nothing left for them to learn when it came time to go to school.

School. Hogwarts. Would that be possible for Remus?

In June of the year Remus turned 11 years old, Albus Dumbledore himself came to the family home. This was not a matter that could be discussed via owls. The children were out playing, so the adults were free to talk openly.

The Lupin parents were grateful to the point of tears at the extreme measures the Headmaster had already taken to provide for Remus and accommodate his condition. They were especially relieved to find that somehow, while the Headmaster knew of Remus' lycanthropy, no one else did. At Hogwarts, he would be safe. And he could go to school.

And so, on September 1st, Remus boarded the Hogwarts Express to begin his adventure, leaving home and family for the first time. He was shy and uncertain around so many other children. But his intelligence and love of learning helped make the schoolwork itself no difficult thing, and his innate friendly nature enabled him to make friends easily.

If he had a serious character flaw, it was his desire to be liked by as many people as possible. He disliked confrontations of all sorts, and especially couldn't handle the occasional heated disagreements that arose between friends. He would always demur to the other, rather than fight or argue. This weakness, even in light of all of his other amiable characteristics, would one day cost him dearly.

* * *

Another boy arrived at Hogwarts on September 1st. This boy was pale and almost skeletally thin. Lank black hair hung lifelessly about his face. His bottomless black eyes revealed nothing, but hid suffering and pain beyond imagining.

His mother had survived and protected him as long as she could. Numerous times he had healed her himself, back from the brink of death when his father's rages had passed and he had left the house. Numerous times she had done the same for him.

Never again. Yesterday, Devin had beaten her to death and made Severus watch, not allowing him to heal her or even go to her until she had breathed her last. He then told his "worthless idiot" son to get out and never return. If not for his mother's planning all of those years, Severus would have been at a loss for what to do.

As it was, though grief and rage consumed him, he left the house at once. He had money enough in Gringotts, again thanks to his mother, to get him through Hogwarts with no external financial support. He would have to make arrangements for summer lodgings, somehow, but he would get by.

Alone in all the world and consumed with unspent grief and an all-encompassing desire for vengeance, this boy boarded the train. The blackness filling his heart spilled out of him like a palpable thing, so that all avoided him.

* * *

Rowena was desperately lonely. Her parents still wished to keep her isolated and safe; their own fears caused by what had happened to Remus led them to judge poorly in what was best for their daughter.

Rowena was still blissfully unaware of Remus's condition. She knew only that he had been badly injured by an animal attack the day she was born, which caused her parents to be so anxious and protective.

The weekly owls from her brother, and the school holidays with Remus, became the only bright spots of her existence. Her parents loved her and she them, but she was bored and lonesome. Without Remus to accompany her, they wouldn't let her wander so far from the house. Without Remus to talk to, she had no one to share and discuss her ideas with.

Her parents dealt with this boredom by encouraging her to read whatever caught her interest. With only one child at home, Becky was able to focus more intently on her daughter's education. Rowena read voraciously, delving into Muggle literature and eventually even began dabbling into Muggle sciences of maths, chemistry, and physics—with a great deal of parental assistance.

At the start of each new school year, their parents bought two sets of texts—one for Remus to take to school and one for Rowena at home. It wasn't strictly permitted for them to allow her access to such books, but it was the only thing that soothed her loneliness. She felt in some way that she was still able to share in Remus' experience by reading the books he was using. It was her only comfort, so they indulged her.

At last, her own letter came. Hogwarts! She was packed and ready weeks before the departure date. Remus had told her such tales! Kids and clubs and the Great Hall and feasts. Ghosts and the poltergeist. Remus' great friends… James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. She wanted to see it all!

She would get to be there with Remus! He would help her, show her around and introduce her so she wouldn't be frightened. She had it all planned in her mind as to how it would be.

* * *

Honour and duty are hard things to bear. They are hard things to understand. And sometimes they are hard things by which to guide one's life.

Remus had grown to understand his condition. He had learned what it meant in the wizarding world to be a werewolf. He felt honour-bound to protect his sister from any possible taint by association. If it were discovered that _he_ was a werewolf, he did not want his condition to affect Rowena's future.

On the night before they were to leave together on the train, Remus came to Rowena's room. He could hardly bear to look into her bright, shining, trusting face and tell her what he knew he had to say.

He sat on the edge of her bed beside her and began to brush her hair. This was a tender ritual he had started when she was very young—because their mother had gotten tired of hearing her squall when she brushed the snarls out of it. For whatever reason, Rowena sat much quieter when Remus did it. He felt certain this would be his last opportunity to do so. She would never forgive him for the pain he was about to inflict.

"Rowena... I have something very important to tell you. I can't explain it fully now…. You might not ever understand completely. I just hope you'll believe that I'm doing this because I love you, and it's in your best interest. You are my baby sister. There will never be a dearer person to me in my life."

His voice cracked at this, and he stopped his brushing to hug her tightly. Her face paled and she turned to look at him, her large doe-eyes filled with anxiety as they scanned her brother's face.

"Remus, what is it?" she asked. "You're scaring me... I love you, too. We're going to have a great time at Hogwarts! I can't wait to meet James and Sirius, and even shy little Peter—they sound so fun! What's got you so upset?"

His eyes were over-bright as he bent to kiss her forehead.

"Rowena, when you come to Hogwarts, I don't want anyone to know you're my sister," he said very gravely. "I haven't told anyone about you in all this time."

She looked at him as though he had slapped her, her face paling even further, and her large brown eyes widening in angry surprise.

"What do you mean, you don't want anyone to know? Hello, Remus, we're both Lupins, remember?" Her voice clearly betrayed her shocked disbelief.

Remus cringed and tried to hold her hand, but she pulled it away angrily. He sighed, "'Wena, there are lots of kids there with the same last names who aren't siblings. I'll be telling everyone you are a distant cousin and we've never actually met before. I want you to do the same. I can't explain why, 'Wena. Please just trust that I am doing this for your own good."

Rowena stood up and shoved him hard, causing him to fall off the edge of the bed onto the floor. Her face was twisted with anger. He was rejecting her just when she was so looking forward to his protection and guidance as she entered the strange new world of Hogwarts. He was abandoning her when she needed him most! She couldn't understand anything but her own angry pain.

"Get out," she hissed, angrily. "You're ashamed of me and don't want anyone to know I'm your sister? Fine! Let's start now! From this moment, you're not my brother. Get out!"

He wanted to explain. He wanted to apologise. He wanted to change his mind and just take the risk. But he couldn't be selfish and risk damaging her reputation if the truth was discovered. And so, even though his heart felt as though it was being ripped to shreds within him, he nodded, got back to his feet and walked out of the room. She slammed the door behind him.

He could hear her harsh, angry sobs long into the night. Each bitter sound was like a fresh knife to his own pain.


	3. Chapter 3 An Accidental Meeting

This is a fanfiction based in JKR's world of Harry Potter. Original characters are mine. All others are hers. Please see the first chapter for full disclaimers and detailed thanks to all my betas. I've had a great deal of help on this story!

* * *

Chapter 3: An Accidental Meeting

* * *

Neither Lupin child told their parents what had transpired the night before. In the bustle of leaving, John and Rebecca truly hadn't noticed much except that perhaps their children were oddly formal in their address of each other. But, they dismissed this as Rowena's understandable fear of leaving home for the first time, and Remus' nervous anticipation of his new responsibility as Gryffindor Prefect.

Once on the train, Rowena instantly put as much distance as possible between her brother and herself. This wasn't difficult, as he had to ride with the other Prefects, at least at first.

John loaded her trunk for her, so all she had to carry was her book bag. She wandered from compartment to compartment, all chock-full of excited, chattering kids. She was lonely and frightened, as she had never seen so many people in one place at one time. It was nearly overwhelming. She felt far too shy to ask to sit with anyone, yet there seemed to be nothing empty.

At last, toward the very end of the train, she encountered a compartment with only one person inside. Others glanced inside this compartment and quickly rushed by without opening the door, as though there was a dangerous creature inside rather than one lone boy absorbed in a book. Feeling this was her best chance at relative solitude, she opened the door.

"Would you mind if I sit here?" she asked in a small voice that didn't come close to hiding her nervousness.

The boy didn't bother to look up from his book. His voice was snide, and heavy with bitterness. "Yes, I mind very much. Get out. Go find your friends and leave me in peace."

This was too much. She could feel her temper rising to anger from Remus' treatment of her and the strangeness of everything around her. She shut the door, threw her book bag in the seat farthest from the boy, and sat down.

"I will be happy to leave you in peace," she said, her own voice matching his for asperity, "but I will have to do it sitting right here. I don't know anyone on this train and I'm not in the mood to try to make friends with strangers."

She dug a book out of her bag—_Quantum Physics: is it Muggle Magic?_ —and promptly hid behind it.

Severus Snape looked up at her in surprise. Usually his bitterness and icy attitude were enough to keep away the most stouthearted. This little slip of a girl with long braids looked as if a strong wind would blow her away, yet she fearlessly defied him and appeared oblivious to him now.

He gazed at the title of her book and snorted in disbelief. "Suit yourself and sit where you please. But don't expect me to believe you have the slightest understanding of Quantum Physics, and don't chatter at me with questions about Hogwarts. I have no interest in being nursemaid to a first-year."

She looked up over the spine of her book, her wide brown eyes frowning slightly into his scowling, fathomless black ones. For an instant something seemed to click within her brain, as though storing a bit of knowledge for future retrieval, though she was too nervous to consciously register the sensation. He was clearly quite angry at the loss of his solitude.

However, she had her own reasons to be angry, and felt almost terminally shy. The idea of trying to find somewhere else to sit that wasn't crowded with strangers seemed beyond her capacity at the moment.

"I don't care what you believe," she said irritably. "I wasn't planning on talking to you, especially not about my book. I'm not used to talking about the higher sciences with strangers who might not be smart enough to understand them. It seems to me that _you're_ the one chattering. I was hoping to read in peace."

Severus almost laughed. _Almost_. He couldn't recall anyone ever standing up to him in quite this way. Oh sure, throwing hexes and curses and such, like the Fabulous Four, but not the relatively intelligent and subtler verbal sparing. He applauded her silently for scoring one on him, and then returned to his own book.

They traveled in silence for several hours. They both bought some things from the food trolley, but did not share conversation in any way. Surprisingly, the silence did not feel heavy or uncomfortable. Shortly after the minor interruption of the trolley, a more significant one occurred.

The compartment door slid open. Enter the Fabulous Four. Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin. And to make his hell just a little worse—that damn Lupin had a Prefect's badge on his chest. Of course, just bloody brilliant! Potter's falsely friendly voice greeted him.

"Snivellus! Fancy meeting you here!" His gaze then raked over the small girl in the compartment with him, and he chortled. "I never thought I'd see you infant-minding, Snape. You usually bite the heads off the first years and eat them for dinner, don't you?"

"This one barely looks big enough for pudding, James," Sirius laughed heartily, after glancing at Rowena. He sneered at Snape and added, "I see you couldn't be bothered to wash your hair all holiday, slime ball. Wanting to fuel your cauldron fires with the oil?"

James turned to Rowena and bowed low with an exaggerated flourish of his arm and a rakish grin he obviously considered charming.

"You want to watch who you hang out with right from the start, love. Make the wrong friends on the train, and you're tainted for life. Snivellus here is definitely of the wrong sort. If nothing else, you'll never get the grease off your robes if you accidentally touch him."

Peter stood silently behind his friends, small and weak-chinned in appearance. But he sniggered cruelly at the jabs and cast approving, fawning glances at James and Sirius in turn.

Before Snape had a chance to respond, Remus' voice cut in, "James, leave the girl alone. She probably just didn't know where to sit."

He then addressed Rowena as though she was a stranger, smiling his friendly smile and holding out his hand to her in greeting. "Hi, I'm Remus Lupin. I'm one of the Gryffindor Prefects. I'd be glad to take you around the train and introduce you to some other first years. You might like some more… um… agreeable company."

Rowena glared at him furiously. He had turned her away yesterday, and now he was trying to pretend to be friendly? He let his friends tease and pick on this boy who hadn't done anything to them?

During the exchange, her eyes had flown from one boy to the other in disbelief. She had recognized them all at once, of course, from photos and descriptions she had heard over the years from her brother—but she could not believe the truth of it.

_These_ were the famous friends she had been so anxious to meet? His best friends, popular and friendly and smart and… every good and wonderful thing she had heard about them from him. All of that was gone in an instant as she witnessed the truth for herself and formulated her own opinion, so very different from the one she had been prepared to hold as recently as yesterday.

She ignored Remus' outstretched hand, scowling at it as though it was a disgusting slug. The one they called "Snape" was looking fit to kill, slowly moving his hand towards the pocket which surely contained his wand. She tried to manage a bored tone as she addressed all the boys in the compartment, though her voice shook a little from anger and shyness.

"My name is Rowena Lupin. I suppose that makes us some sort of distant relation. How unfortunate for me. I will sit where I like, and make friends where I choose. You can mind your own bloody business."

Her scathing, disdainful look raked over the four of them angrily.

"If childish insults and boorish behavior is your idea of good company or intelligent conversation, I'll keep to myself, thanks. The most agreeable company right now would be my book. Reading in peace. With the four of you gone."

The "Fabulous Four" looked at her as though she had just transformed into a two-headed dragon in front of their eyes. Sirius was the first one to laugh, and clapped James and Remus on the shoulders, pulling them out of the compartment.

"C'mon, guys. Old Snivellus has gotten himself a kitten with claws. Let's leave them to themselves. Just think, a first year girlfriend!" He shut the door with huge bark-like guffaws echoing up the narrow train corridor. Remus cast Rowena one last sorrowful look before allowing himself to be led away by his friends.

Severus leaned back in his seat, relaxing a bit and removing his hand from his pocket, where it had indeed been clutching his wand. He looked more appraisingly at this mere slip of a girl across from him.

Lupin. Interesting. She even looked a bit like the other Lupin. But the way she had said "how unfortunate for me" made him smirk slightly. She knew how to handle herself for a first year. Her verbal repartee, from what he had seen so far, was well advanced for her age, and she did seem to be genuinely reading that physics tome.

"My name is Severus Snape." He was shocked to hear his own voice introduce himself. He scowled angrily at her as though expecting her to laugh or turn her sharp tongue towards him.

That in itself was an unusual sensation. Since escaping his father's bitter verbal and physical lashings, he had rarely given thought to the insults of others. Though, of course, those from the Fabulous Four were an exception.

She looked at him in surprise for a moment, her large brown eyes peering over her book. One corner of her mouth did quirk slightly, and she nodded. "Nice to meet you. I didn't really think your name was 'Snivellus'. I suppose you're feeling sorry for me and my new discovery that I have a long-lost cousin who's some sort of pompous git?"

He smirked, as close as he usually came to a smile, and snorted. "Remus Lupin? It could be worse. He's pretty bland, actually. It's Potter and Black who are the gits. Remus just doesn't have a spine. He's not brave enough to actually play along when things get nasty, nor is he brave enough to stand up to them and make them stop when he knows they're in the wrong. It eats him alive to know he's such a coward. Gryffindor's coward. And they made _him_ the Prefect. Ha!"

He then frowned at her and raised a brow. "You really didn't know you were related to him? There seems to be some resemblance." His voice betrayed his suspicion. He wouldn't put it past those four to try to use a little sister or close cousin in a prank of some sort.

She frowned thoughtfully, gazing blankly at the book in her lap, and shook her head. His words about Remus had stung her deeply. They cast her brother in a light she had never seen. Remus had always been her protector, her saviour, and yet she had just seen a sample of his behaviour that she would have never believed possible. Her reply, though not technically the factual truth, was honestly spoken from her heart.

"No... I had no idea I was related to someone like that."

He gave a small nod of understanding. "We all have relatives we'd rather not claim," he said dryly. His tone was almost conversational, without much of the usual sarcastic undertones.

"So," he continued, "how is it that you have no friends? You're a Lupin. I assume that means you're not Muggle-born or raised. You ought to know a few people around here."

He had never had a companion on the train before, and decided to try his hand at casual conversation for a novelty since the entire experience to this point had been so unusual. There seemed no harm in making the attempt.

She looked up at him again; her turn to eye him suspiciously. "Why are you here alone? Where are your friends?" she asked, turning the question back on him. She didn't really want to try and explain her rather unique situation.

He gave her the raised-eyebrow smirk again and lazily raised a hand in mock defense. "A simple question, Miss Lupin. I was merely trying to make conversation. As for myself, I am a Slytherin." This last was stated as though it explained everything.

"My parents home schooled ...me… until now. I've never been in the company of anyone except my own family, with very rare exceptions. I had a brother… who… died in an unfortunate, horrible accident," she said, barely stumbling over the lie. Wasn't Remus essentially dead to her now? "My parents were afraid to let me out of their sight after that. I've been quite isolated; hence the intensive bookishness." She waived the physics book to emphasise the point, unnecessarily.

"What does being a Slytherin have to do with your friends?" she asked, awkwardly turning the conversation back to him.

He could have sworn she almost said "us" instead of "me" in reference to her education, but perhaps she was still grieving over the lost brother. He certainly didn't want to discuss tender feelings such as grief with this girl! He ignored that part of her comments and addressed her question.

He shifted in his seat and took on the tone of an instructor with a pupil. One thin arm rested along the back of the seat next to him, and he occasionally made a slight gesture of emphasis with the long-fingered hand.

"Slytherins do not have friends, Miss Lupin. We conduct ourselves by the unspoken "Rule of A's". Ambition leads us to develop useful Acquaintances. Acquaintances are then subdivided into Allies or Adversaries. We do _not_, however, as a general rule, believe in friendship. That requires a level of trust most Slytherins never have for another human being.

"I choose to avoid my Acquaintances, of both varieties, as much as possible. I, too, have been raised in relative solitude and find my best companion in a book."

She was amused by his referral to her as "Miss Lupin". It seemed silly to be so addressed when she was only eleven years old. Yet somehow the oddly formal mode of address seemed to suit this boy, and so she responded in kind.

She offered him a shy smile. "I will keep that in mind, Mr Snape, and be cautious what sort of 'Acquaintance' I become to whatever Slytherins I meet."

Thinking the conversation was over, she opened her book once again, as she found his piercing gaze oddly disturbing. But he wasn't done with his foray into social conversation quite yet.

"I'm certain you will meet Slytherins who will court your acquaintance. You are destined for Ravenclaw House, and every Slytherin year has at least one Ravenclaw pet to help them with their studies. It is a fairly valuable mutual partnership. In exchange for the academic assistance, they will help you avoid some of the… unpleasantness which sometimes originates from our House."

She bristled at this visibly and challenged him. "How do you know I'm destined for Ravenclaw? And what makes you think I would agree to be this _'homework pet'_ for anyone?"

He actually grinned at her obvious ire, though it was still a somewhat pained and sarcastic expression. It brightened his face nonetheless, and her heart did an odd sort of extra beat to see it.

"You are destined for Ravenclaw because you seem too hungry for knowledge to be in Hufflepuff, too rational to be in Gryffindor, and not nearly ruthless enough to be in Slytherin. I did not say you would be the 'pet', I only said you would be courted in an attempt to get you to agree to such. Whether or not you submit to the relationship is up to you.

"I was offering a friendly warning, if you will. Take it as a compliment, Miss Lupin. I do not think that I have ever offered anyone a 'friendly' anything."

Now _she_ snorted and tried not to smile too broadly. When he relaxed enough to smile at her, she felt instantly more at ease as well.

"Please forgive me, Mr Snape, if I'm not suitably impressed by your grand overture and fail to be appropriately awed by it," she said, her voice dripping with playful sarcasm. "I will catalogue it carefully under 'unappreciated gestures' and make the attempt to repay it fully at some future date."

He nodded at her, still smiling slightly, and returned to his book. He, too, found her somewhat disturbing, though not unpleasantly so. "Touché, Miss Lupin. You will get along fine at Hogwarts, unfortunate cousin notwithstanding."

She did take this as a compliment and found her flagging courage bolstered by the simple statement. The rest of the train journey passed in companionable silence, and they parted when it stopped with no hostile feelings on either side.


	4. Chapter 4 Fascination

This is a fanfiction based in JKR's world of Harry Potter. Original characters are mine. All others are hers. Please see the first chapter for full disclaimers and detailed thanks to my awesome betas. I've had a i _lot /i _ of help with this story!

**Alternate Universe to Half-blood Prince.**

In this chapter we see the events from 'Snape's Worst Memory' from an outside observer's point of view. The scene in question is from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, by JK Rowling, and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Chapter 4: Fascination

* * *

Rowena was indeed sorted into Ravenclaw House, just as Severus had said she would be. She was surprised to discover her brother, by virtue of association with James and Sirius, had some popularity with girls. Many girls flocked to Rowena in her first few weeks of school because of her last name. This brief flare of popularity died away almost instantly, when they discovered she was only 'distantly' related to the other Lupin, and therefore couldn't introduce them.

Remus took his first opportunity to speak with her in private, ducking with her into a small alcove off the Great Hall just after breakfast on her first morning. He spoke quietly and rapidly, all but begging her to avoid Severus Snape. He enumerated things about Severus being in with a dangerous crowd, and all sorts of wild stories about curses and hexes, which Severus had supposedly exchanged with James and Sirius. Somehow, of course, Potter and Black were frequently innocent in these exchanges, while Severus was invariably the black-hearted, Dark-Magic wielding villain. Remus went on at length while she stared up at him silently, becoming angrier by the second.

When he finished his brotherly rant, she calmly and impassively slapped him in the face. "You lost all right tell me who I could talk to when you decided you weren't my brother. Guess what, Remus? You don't get a vote on my friends. I don't care if I never speak to you again. Go away."

She stormed off to her first class, and that was that. He avoided her religiously, and she convinced herself she didn't miss him.

* * *

The loss of her brother, as well as the assistance she had hoped he would provide during her first weeks at school, simply intensified her innate shyness. Even her advanced knowledge of the subject matter didn't give her enough courage to volunteer information in class or actively participate in discussions. When she sought to delve more deeply into a project or lesson, she would wait until class was over and discuss the topic with the professors in private.

Rowena also began to develop a bit of pureblood prejudice early in her school career, notwithstanding her own half-blood status. She was hopelessly bored with her first-year classes. Her extensive private study and love of learning had caused her to be ahead of her classmates, so she felt she was held back by the need to move slowly so the 'Mudbloods' could catch up. She wished that Muggle-born wizards were taught separately.

Boredom gave her mind time to wander, and often the subject of these ruminations focused upon the dark, brooding boy she had met on the train.

She was drawn to Severus like a moth to flame. He had been quite right about Slytherins courting her for revision assistance and homework help. She found that as long as they didn't expect her to cheat, ask to copy her work, or expect her to do it for them, she didn't mind helping them. She developed several friendships—she couldn't think of them as mere 'allies'—among the first-year Slytherin girls.

These friendships benefited her as well, by providing her a ready excuse to be amongst the Slytherins at a wide variety of times. She could be near Severus at many free moments without looking suspicious. Close enough to hear him talk, to see him interact with his circle of 'allies'. What they seemed to have in place of friendship was a strange sort of mutual-intimidation, and a grudging respect held by fear. Observing it helped her understand his "Rule of A's" definition.

She had barely exchanged two words with Severus since the train. He did give her an amused, knowing look one day in the library, as she was surrounded by her Slytherin friends. She grinned back at his now-familiar quirked-eyebrow smirk.

The fact of the matter was that Rowena Lupin was developing quite a fascination for Severus. She was certain that she was beneath him, both in purity of blood—something she quickly learned most Slytherins held very dear—and intelligence.

She hadn't fully realized the extent of his brilliance until she noticed that the fifth year Slytherins had no 'Ravenclaw pet', though all the other years did. This was because _Severus_ was their homework tutor for his year. He was an even harder task master than any of the instructors, and refused to answer any question or provide any assistance unless the seeker could prove they had given the matter serious thought and effort on their own.

Moreover, when their Potions professor was ill, Severus, not a seventh-year, took his lower classes for the day.

He was brilliant. He was incredibly intense in everything he did. He was dark and mysterious. He hid his emotions and thoughts behind an almost perfectly unruffled mask of total indifference and calm, and yet his sharp eyes missed nothing. He intrigued her.

He was also cold, distant, and in love with Lily Evans. Well, maybe not love, but Lily intrigued him as much as he intrigued Rowena. She was rational enough to face the truth—Lily was beautiful and of his same year. Her vivid auburn hair and startlingly green eyes were a flashy, eye-catching contrast to Rowena's mousy uniformity. An eleven-year-old child wasn't going to compete with a fifteen-year-old young woman!

He made no outward sign of this attraction, but Rowena recognised in him the same surreptitious methods of being close to the object of his fascination that she used to be near him. If Lily was nearby, his dark eyes frequently sought her.

* * *

There was a personal vendetta of sorts between Severus and two of Remus' friends. Rowena had no idea if it started with Potter or Black, or whether they or Severus had begun the feud. The fact remained that if they passed each other in a relatively deserted hallway, curses and hexes would fly.

It was her opinion that Severus was much more subtle and skilled at these altercations. He was secretive and always seemed to act on his own, so there were never witnesses to his actions, merely rumour and suspicion.

Potter and Black, on the other hand, always liked to have as large of an audience as possible whenever they would take on Snape. It outraged her that they couldn't manage their little feud—whatever it was—on a private level, but had to add sheer humiliation to the list of injuries they would inflict upon Severus.

Remus never involved himself in their altercations in any way. He did not participate, nor did he intervene. As Potter and Black could become particularly nasty at times, this only added to her disappointment and disillusionment with her brother. He was a _Prefect._ He had the power and authority to stop Potter and Black's behaviour. But their friendship and acceptance was more important to him than doing what he must know was right. She was disgusted with him.

All of this continually added to the intensity of her fascination with Severus. He _was_ in with a dangerous crowd of friends—she could not delude herself to that. The group could sometimes be seen sneaking off to the grounds with a disguised book which one or the other of them had managed to acquire. (Rowena's Slytherin friends told her they were usually books on Dark Magic.) Severus was the ringleader. He would sit with the book on his lap while the others surrounded him, clearly clinging to his every word as he apparently discussed what he was reading.

Rowena's own thirst for knowledge for the simple sake of knowledge led her to want to see and learn some of it herself. Was it really that horrible? Would he talk to her more if she showed interest?

She had no darkness in her own soul, though. In fact, when news of Voldemort and his early reign of terror began to seep into Hogwarts, she—like nearly half of the student population—had dreams of becoming an Auror when she finished school. Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration were her best subjects. Potions would be her downfall there—the subject was a continual struggle no matter how much study she poured into it.

Still, it was important to have goals, and so she allowed herself to aspire to that prestigious and dangerous career.

* * *

Her first year at Hogwarts was a productive one in many ways. Though she could not say she developed any close friendships over the year, she did gradually overcome enough of her shyness to become comfortable with her classmates. A fellow Ravenclaw first-year taught her to play Wizards chess when she expressed interest in the game. She decided to learn it when she saw Severus playing one day in the courtyard with one of the older students from her House.

Slytherins, it seemed, did not hold much stock in strategy games. Apparently, they received their strategy satisfaction in real life manipulations. But Severus appeared to enjoy the game; his whole attention was focused as he played with the same intensity that he gave to everything he did, and so she had learned.

Photography became another hobby early in that year. It was one more method she used to feed her ever increasing near-obsession with Severus Snape. She learned the techniques for developing the film properly, for capturing the most artistic angles and views, and for positioning her subjects or objects in the best light. Her parents indulged her with high-quality equipment at Christmas.

By the end of the year, she had several albums full of photos. Teachers, classmates, friends, Hogwarts grounds and surrounding scenery, nothing escaped her lens. The resultant photos, for the most part, were artistic and pleasing to the eye. It might take a casual observer some time to notice that in nearly every photo, there was a nondescript, pale, dark-haired boy with a rather prominent nose.

This boy was generally in the background. He was even often nearly hidden by other people, trees, or other objects in the photo. In none of the photos did the image of the boy seem the slightest bit aware that he was being captured on film. Regardless of his placement in the photo, his image was in the sharpest focus of anything else, even clearer than the ostensible subject of the snapshot.

* * *

One fine, June day near the end of her first year, she took her camera out to the lake. She and some of her Slytherin friends sat in a sunny patch of grass near the bank of the water, discussing the end of their exams and their plans for the summer. It was the lazy, idle chatter of early adolescent girls.

Rowena's mind wandered to Severus, wondering how he was faring with his O.W.L. exams. As though she had conjured him by thinking of him, she looked up to see him walking in their direction, his eyes boring into an examination paper.

She smiled and looked away, checking her camera for film. Severus liked to sit under the large beech tree on pleasant days, and perhaps she could get her friend Valerie to pose for a picture so he was in the background. Their group wasn't sitting too far away from the tree, and with her telescopic lens, she should be able to see him clearly.

Looking up at the tree in question through her camera lens, she saw, to her annoyance, the "Fabulous Four" were already lounging there, laughing and talking.

And then it happened… so suddenly that she couldn't be certain what had started it. James Potter had his wand out and Severus was on the ground, struggling to move. Rowena gasped, and the other girls she was sitting with looked to see what had shocked her. As one, almost involuntarily, they stood up so they could see better, morbidly fascinated to see what was going on.

Potter and Black were tormenting Severus. There was no other way to describe what they were doing. Severus was wandless, unable to defend himself in any way; his usually impassive face contorted in such an expression of rage that it was a frightful visage. Pettigrew was laughing uproariously.

Remus—her brother. Remus the Prefect. Her protector. The one she had adored worshipfully from birth... Remus Lupin was studiously reading a book and pretending to be oblivious to what was going on.

Tears of fury and rage stung Rowena's eyes as she glared at her brother, willing him to _do something_ to stop this horrific humiliation. Potter waved his wand and copious amounts of pinkish white foam began to pour from Severus' mouth, causing him to choke and gag.

Everything was happening so quickly, Rowena felt paralyzed, helpless and horrified. She wasn't near enough to hear anything but the tones of voice—but what she could see was upsetting enough.

The scene only worsened when Lily Evans walked by. Potter was more determined to show off, but Lily was disgusted by the display and tried to make him stop…which he did temporarily. Rowena felt a surge of gratitude and respect for Lily she had never known before.

During the brief lapse, Severus managed to reach his wand and hurl a hex at Potter, which left the Gryffindor with a long, bleeding gash in the side of his face. Instantly, Potter flicked his wand and Severus was suddenly hanging upside down, dangerously high in the air.

This upset Rowena more than anything she had seen so far—her own terror of heights had her hands sweating in sympathy for his plight, her heart pounding somewhere in the vicinity of her throat. What if Potter lifted the spell too quickly? Severus might break his neck in the fall!

Lily spoke, and James dropped Severus—hard. Rowena and the girls around her gasped again, involuntarily. Severus appeared to be uninjured, thankfully. He jumped to his feet with the speed and agility of a striking snake, wand at the ready.

The voices carried to Rowena and her friends, but the words were lost in the distance. The anger in the exchange was clear enough as they shouted at one another—Lily, James, and Severus in turn.

Rowena's group of first-year friends stood rooted to the spot. Any one of them would have gladly rushed to Severus' aid, if they only had the skill to hope to stand up to fifth-years. The Slytherin girls would have helped because it was always good to have an older student in your debt. Rowena wished to be brave enough to intervene because of her deep fascination for Severus. Besides—no one deserved to be treated like that!

An ever-increasing crowd of people wandered nearer and nearer the debacle, adding to the humiliation factor for Severus.

At last, it seemed to be over. Lily said something scathing to Potter, then turned her back on him and walked away with her friends. As soon as she had rounded the path and was no longer in direct sight of the boys, however, Potter began again, this time in full rage, and Severus was once again dangling horribly upside down.

Rowena could stand it no longer. She stepped forward with the intention to do _something_, anything, even though she was only a first-year. Blessedly, Professor McGonagall came storming out at just that moment to see what the crowd was about. Her fury and rage were such as Rowena had never seen.

"What in Merlin's name is going on here?" she shrieked, enraged.

Potter released the spell immediately—taking care to lower Severus to the ground gently this time—and offered the professor what he apparently thought was a winning smile.

"Nothing, Professor," he said cheerfully. "We were only practicing some of the spells we were just tested on. You know, to see if we remembered them properly. Just having a bit of fun."

McGonagall's lips thinned to a pale white line, her face contorted with rage. "Mr Potter," she began, icily, "I am ashamed of you! All four of you! Fifty points from Gryffindor!"

"Professor, really…" Potter tried to interrupt.

"Potter! You are on the verge of being expelled from this school. I suggest you hold your tongue! Fifty points _each_. Detention every night until you board the train to go home.

"Lupin, I will be discussing with Professor Dumbledore the wisdom of allowing you to continue on as Prefect in the future, and advising him against it. Black, Potter, if two you are allowed back to school next term, you will have two more weeks of detention to start the year. You may all four consider yourselves on probation from this moment. I have never been more ashamed of Gryffindor behaviour in my life! Four on one! Now, march up to the school this instant!"

Pointing a long, thin finger imperiously in the direction of the castle, she stood scowling at them while they hastily gathered their belongings and got to their feet. She marched behind them like an angry jailer.

As the boys walked past where Rowena and her friends were standing, only Remus had the decency to look truly chagrined. Potter and Black exchanged rolled-eye glances and amused smirks. Pettigrew was still grinning happily.

Remus looked up to see Rowena staring at him with a look of total loathing. His red and embarrassed face paled to sickly white. He knew what she had seen. He knew that she would never, ever forgive him this breach of duty and trust. If she hadn't been lost to him before, she was now.

McGonagall looked at the group of Slytherin girls and Rowena as she passed. She nodded at them brusquely. "Girls, please see that Mr Snape gets safely to the hospital wing. I will check on him there, shortly."

As one, they all rushed to Severus, where he sat still spitting foam from the Scouring Charm, but appeared otherwise unhurt. His robes were in disarray, as was his hair, while his exam paper had been blown away by the breeze and caught high in the tree. Two of the Slytherin girls helped him up, though he irritably wrenched his arms away and began to stalk to the castle himself, casting an angry glance at his lost exam paper. Rowena dawdled a bit behind the others and pulled out her wand.

"_Accio exam_," she said, capturing the paper and following them inside.

In the hospital wing Madam Pomfrey was able to cancel the charm at once, but she also made him drink a neutralizing potion to counteract any possible poisoning effect that might result from swallowing the soapy substance.

McGonagall arrived soon after to check on his condition. She did not make the girls leave—apparently she felt the boy deserved some supporters in light of the humiliation he'd been made to suffer.

"Mr Snape, I am glad to hear you are well. I have duly punished the boys involved. I want to make it clear that, however you might feel it is justified, you are not to undertake retaliation for this event. This sort of behaviour must _stop_. They have been dealt with most severely, and you can be assured it will not be permitted to happen again."

Severus, by this time, had managed to resume his mask of impassivity. He merely nodded, though his eyes still glittered brightly.

"Thank you, Professor," he said, and Rowena was quick to notice the trace of sarcastic irony in his voice, "I'm sure it is being handled as well as all the prior instances have been."

McGonagall bristled a bit at this, and admonished, "Mr Snape, for some reason you and Mr Potter and Mr Black have been bent on mutual destruction from the moment you set foot in this school. When you provoke each other deliberately, you should not be surprised when unpleasantness results. This is precisely why I insist that this cease, now. I hope I am understood?"

Severus smirked and nodded again. "Perfectly, Professor."

But the dangerous glitter didn't leave his eyes.

McGonagall's eyes narrowed to look at him suspiciously, but she apparently decided to be satisfied with his answer. She nodded and left the room. The girls were all left standing about, awkwardly. Rowena took care to stay towards the back, and for once was thankful that she was small for her age.

"What are you gawking at? Get out of here before I hex the lot of you," he snarled angrily at them. Their presence merely reminded him of how many people witnessed his humiliation at the hands of Potter. By morning, the whole school would know.

As one multi-headed, multi-legged creature, the girls turned to leave quickly, not wanting to see him carry out his threat. But Rowena stopped and faced him, trembling slightly in nervousness. However, her own anger was almost a match for his, the desire for justice on his behalf burning no less brightly in her heart at the moment than his own. She met his gaze defiantly and stepped over to the bed, holding out his exam paper. It rattled slightly in her shaking hand.

He looked at her in surprise and distrust, but snatched the paper. He nodded once. "Thank you. Now get out."

She left straight away.


	5. Chapter 5: Darkness Beckons

This is a fanfiction based in JKR's world of Harry Potter. Original characters are mine. All others are hers. Please see the first chapter for full disclaimers and detailed thanks to my awesome betas. I've had a _lot_ of help with this story!

**Alternate Universe to Half-Blood Prince**

* * *

Chapter 5: Darkness Beckons

* * *

Second year began with Rowena once again alone on the train, though this time she was not so frightened, merely grateful to be away from Remus and her family after a long summer. Her parents had spent the holiday trying to persuade her to mend things with Remus, which she was not willing to do. It wore on her patience so that the random, impartial bustle of the train station was a welcome change. 

She attempted to find her Slytherin friends, but had no immediate success, having arrived so early that there were few students on the train yet. Instead, she found a completely empty compartment near the end and took a seat—they could find her easily enough.

In short order, she engrossed herself in one of her new books. Her father had sent along extra books on the healing sciences that year. He was hoping she'd become a Healer instead of an Auror, and had spent much of the summer encouraging her mild interest in the art.

Her hair was longer—she had complained to her mother that it seemed her hair was the only thing about her that was growing, as she was still somewhat short for her age. The childish plaits were gone, as she let it hang loose down her back. Pulling the shiny, honey-brown mass together and over one shoulder, she settled into the seat and was soon oblivious to anything but her book. A familiar, sarcastic voice startled her back to awareness of her surroundings, and she looked up from her reading.

He was taller, a bit broader in the shoulder, though still very thin, and still dressed in his standard black. His face, though, had changed. It was still sharp and angular, with his very distinctive nose and expressive black brows arching gracefully over fathomless obsidian eyes—but the expression was even colder than before. The sneer and words had a harsh bite of cruelty she had only heard him use sparingly for effect last year, but now seemed a permanent part of his tone.

"Ah, the distant Lupin cousin. May I presume to share this compartment in peace and quiet, or shall I seek elsewhere?"

She was a bit unsettled by the bitterness in his address, but tried not to show her nervousness. A ridiculous flush of warm pleasure washed over her for a moment_. He remembered her name!_ Her childishly fascinated heart pounded madly in her chest, and she feared she might actually blush under his piercing stare.

Turning her eyes back to her book rather than his inscrutable face, she made an attempt at mimicking the same bored tone and identical words he had said to her last year when their situations were reversed.

"Suit yourself and sit where you please."

He sat across from her. If it was possible to portray angry aggressiveness in the simple act of sitting, then he did so. He withdrew a book of his own; one with no title on the front, but heavy and bound in strange, pale leather. Instead of turning to it immediately, he scrutinized the one she was reading.

"Healing Arts, Miss Lupin?" he sneered at her. "How very noble of you. Is that your career choice then? You are young to be making such a decision."

The warm pleasure she had felt upon his arrival was soon replaced by an uncomfortable, squirmy sense of nervousness in the pit of her stomach.

It was impossible to deny her fascination with him to herself, but the truth was Rowena felt both thrilled and dismayed that he would choose to sit with her. She didn't want to draw his cruel teasing to her—which she surely would do if he suspected that she was so intrigued by him—so she attempted to convey bored indifference in her tone.

"I thought we were sharing this compartment in 'relative peace and quiet', Mr Snape?" she asked, smiling softly at him in spite of her best intentions. "If it will hurry the return to that quiet, I will answer your questions.

"My dad's a Healer, and wants me to be one. He thinks it's a safer job than my own goal—I think I might like to be an Auror. I'm reading the books he gave me because I enjoy learning new things. I'm not at all ready to make any decisions. I'm just trying to learn as much as possible about any subjects I can to help me choose when the time comes."

He smirked and leaned forward, his tone still mocking but quieter, almost conspiratorial, "Ever the rational Ravenclaw, hmm, Miss Lupin? Do you really wish to learn about whatever subjects you can? There is such a thing as dangerous knowledge, you know."

She shivered involuntarily at the silky caress of his voice when he said 'dangerous', as though the word—the way he spoke it—was a lover's kiss. Her eyes widened involuntarily as she looked at him, a deer in the headlights of his riveting gaze. The smirk became slightly mocking, as though he could read her thoughts and found them highly amusing. His brow arched and his silken voice continued, seductively.

"Yet if you are to be an Auror—a very brave choice, by the way—you should indeed delve deeply into knowledge."

As she gazed at him, a tantalizing smile gradually overspread his features, but it had an evil edge and gave her a chill of apprehension to see it. Slowly, deliberately, he held out the book he had in his hand. His voice became even more alluring and seductive as he spoke. "Would you like to taste the forbidden fruit, Miss Lupin? Do you have the courage to explore the prohibited? Or the strength of character to resist the temptation?"

Her eyes were drawn, almost unwillingly, from his face to the book. On closer examination, the pale leather looked horribly like tanned human skin. There were runes on the binding that she had not seen from a distance, which could have been written in blood. There was indeed a seduction in that book, in those markings. Something that called to her, asking her to read, to learn, to know… promising knowledge, and with knowledge would come power. It was a siren song of seduction, assurances of glory and wealth and fame, whispering of forbidden things and all manner of rewards….

Her eyes were bright and her heart raced. A pink flush overspread her cheeks, and her lips parted as her breathing quickened. Her mouth was suddenly very dry and a strange, longing hunger filled her like yearning lust, which she was far too young to understand or recognise for what it was. It called to her, and she wanted to answer. She wanted to _touch_ that book, to _read_ it, to plunder its knowledge, wield its power and gain the strength it promised.

Somewhere, deep in the farthest recesses of her mind, the tiny rational voice in her head chided her over such nonsense. It was the same voice that derided her whenever she indulged in whimsical daydreams concerning the boy before her, or wished for the impossible. The same voice that had already told her, again and again, she would forever be too timid and frightened to have any hope of being an Auror, no matter how exemplary her marks might be.

The book offered her power, and with power would come courage to overcome that timidity!

Her internal voice scoffed… when had she ever wanted power or glory or fame? She, who was too shy to even speak up in class with the correct answer because of the room full of classmates who would look at her as she spoke? Ridiculous! This sort of power wasn't for her!

Yet she wanted it—just by looking at it, she _wanted_ it.

Even knowing that if she attained it, she would hate it. Love it and hate it at the same time.

And then she _knew_. This was the lure of Dark Magic. The seductive promise of whatever your heart desired. Yet underneath it was the cost—to give over your free will completely and let the magic control you at its whim.

With great effort, she forced her eyes from the book and leaned back, away from its seduction and Severus—who had his own unfathomable grasp on her interest. She looked into his eyes as though she might draw courage from doing so, even though he was the source of the temptation. Shaking her head, she tried to swallow, though her mouth was paper-dry. She found that she was trembling slightly, and felt the chill of perspiration on her lip.

"No," she whispered. The word sounded breathless and forced. But then her voice found strength with the utterance and she was able to continue in stronger tones. "No, I want to find my own strength—if I have any at all—not a false or external one."

For an instant, she thought she saw a flash of something in his eyes. Approval? Disappointment? Admiration? Envy? It was gone in an instant, the gleaming black eyes shuttering themselves again behind the sneering veneer, and he laughed cruelly.

"No Gryffindor bravery in you, is there, Miss Lupin? Suit yourself; I'll not offer again. You cannot begin to appreciate what you have just declined."

"No, I'm sure I can't," she replied simply and then returned to her book. She couldn't read it, only hide behind it and think miserably about what was happening to this boy.

The promise of power and revenge must seem sweet to him indeed after all he had experienced. She didn't blame him, didn't even begrudge him his decision. But she was saddened. That his brilliance would be lost to Darkness was a pity. Her fascination for him did not decrease, but she now viewed him as a lost soul, as potential wasted and perhaps forever gone.

The rest of the train ride was spent in total silence, and they never again shared a compartment alone.

* * *

One Saturday in March, Rowena headed to the Library for some intensive revision. Exams were coming up, and she wanted to be prepared. She sat at a lone desk, but she could hear some Gryffindor girls chattering at a nearby table. Lily Evans was among them.

"You won't believe what happened last night!" Lily said in a breathless whisper to the girls.

"What? I knew it had to be something big. Remus and James are both really furious with Sirius. I never thought those boys would have a falling out," said one of the girls excitedly.

"Well, I don't know the details," Lily began in a whisper, "James won't even tell _me_, so it has to be something really secret. But Sirius did something, some kind of prank, to try to hurt Severus Snape! Remus said if James hadn't stopped him in time, Severus would have been killed!

"As it is, I've never seen Severus looking so enraged—and you know how angry he can get. It must be true, though, because Sirius is now on detention for the next month, he lost 100 house points and he's banned from Hogsmeade visits for the rest of the year. I've never heard of Dumbledore being that angry.

"It seems to be Sirius's doing alone, because James and Remus didn't get any reprimand at all. In fact, James was awarded house points for saving Severus' life—and he's going to get some sort of award for special services."

The girls all chattered excitedly over the news, speculating what the prank could have been that was so life threatening. One girl voiced the opinion, seconded by others, that Snape was such an unpleasant git it wouldn't have been a huge loss if Sirius had succeeded. Another giggled at how angry Severus would be to have to be indebted to James for saving his life, seeing as how they hated each other so much.

Rowena left the library, sickened by what she had overheard. She wandered the corridors and grounds anxiously for hours until at last she caught a glimpse of Severus. He was sitting under the beech tree by the lake in spite of the chilly weather, and he indeed looked more intensely enraged than she had ever seen him. But he also looked whole and unhurt, so that she was at last able to return to her studies.

* * *

The next Quidditch match was Gryffindor versus Slytherin. Rowena disliked attending Quidditch games. She much preferred to read or study, as her terrible fear of heights made getting in and out of the stands a sore trial for her. However, she had seen Severus and some of his 'dangerous' friends plotting together and heard a whisper about 'the Quidditch', and so she decided to attend. She suspected he had some sort of exquisitely subtle retaliation planned for the attempt on his life and she wished to witness it.

She made it to the stands clutching the arms of her friends' robes and sat watching—not the game—but Severus, who sat in the stands almost directly across from her. The game began normally enough, and for the first 30 minutes of dirty play, rapid scoring, and frequent fouls, she thought perhaps she had been mistaken in her assumption that something was going to happen.

And then she saw it. It was only the briefest motion from Severus, his wand apparently hidden within a voluminous sleeve. She quickly darted her eyes to Potter. It seemed as though his broom had become slippery somehow. He had been just reaching for the Snitch, the stands in an uproar, when his grip of hands and legs was no longer sufficient to keep him on his broom. Without warning, he had suddenly slipped completely off his broom while still traveling at great speed and height.

Madam Hooch was there and waved her wand instantly to slow his fall, but he still landed quite hard. His broom dropped out of the sky like lead immediately after him, and resisted every attempt from anyone to pick it up. It was as though it was so slippery as to be frictionless, or else too heavy to move.

The crowd was on its feet, everyone screaming in shock, surprise, and a variety of other emotions. Severus was standing as well, but his almost smug expression was one of bored satisfaction.

Slytherin won the game, of course. Potter suffered multiple broken bones. His broom was completely ruined. The rumour quickly spread as to what had happened. The broom had been coated in some sort of unique, frictionless potion that had not been noticed at first, because it apparently had to be activated by a command word, which required a wand. The teachers were unable to inactivate or neutralize the potion, and so Potter was forced to buy a new broom.

The professors searched for the culprit, and of course Severus was an immediate suspect. They checked every student's wand with "Prior Incantato" to find the offending wand and student, but found nothing. It was brilliant.

Later, though, Rowena's curiosity got the better of her. How had he been able to erase the spell from his wand? She knew she had seen him cast it. Unable to contain herself any longer, she asked one of her Slytherin friends, Anita Zabini, if she knew how it had been accomplished. Anita smiled slyly and gave her a searching look.

"Well, okay, I will tell you, since I know you like Severus too much to betray him. But if I find out anyone knows you know…. Slytherins are very good at vengeance, as I'm sure you realize," she said, making no attempt to conceal the threat.

She leaned towards Rowena conspiratorially and whispered, "It will be his Dark wand. Lots of us have them. You can buy them in Knockturn Alley. They aren't registered with the Ministry like legal wands, so no one knows who has them. They're completely illegal, of course, but they're quite useful. If you are going to be doing a Dark spell, or any spell you don't want traced to yourself, you use your Dark wand. That way, your registered wand is clean when they come to do the 'Prior Incantato' spell."

Rowena absorbed this knowledge in silence, nodding her understanding. A Dark wand. Severus Snape was indeed dabbling in dangerous waters. Yet he had ample reason for his desire for vengeance, and since Potter was not permanently injured in the event, Rowena continued to silently applaud his skill and subtle retaliation.

She had little doubt now, even in her most wishful phases, that he had indeed thrown his lot in with Darkness. She continued to be drawn to him, to watch him, even to continue her photography hobby and to long to know him better—but she knew it was all for naught.

* * *

Potter pursued Lily more aggressively this year and Severus seemed to have given her up, if he had ever really been inclined toward her in that way. There was less fighting between them—though this might also be the result of McGonagall leaving Black and Potter on probation for the entirety of the school year.

Severus seemed completely consumed by his ambition for knowledge, his desire for learning and power. He was never seen without a book, though he often used concealment charms to hide their subjects. No girls seemed to catch his interest at all, not even the most blatant overtures by some of the Slytherins who were nearing the end of school and intent on making pureblood matches. He attended no social events, no Quidditch games, and Rowena no longer saw him tutoring other students, or even playing the occasional match of chess. The Darkness seduced him, and he seemed to give himself wholly over to it with willing abandon.

Rowena wished there was a way for her to redeem him from the path he had chosen, perhaps to befriend him and save him from his fall. But somehow even her twelve-year-old idealist self knew that if there was to be redemption for him, it would have to come from within himself.


	6. Chapter 6: Dark Dances, Burned Bridges

This is a fanfiction based in JKR's world of Harry Potter. Original characters are mine. All others are hers. Please see the first chapter for full disclaimers and credits to my wonderful team of betas. I've had a _lot_ of help with this story!

Warning: this chapter contains description of attempted (unsuccessful, non-graphic) rape. Please proceed with caution if you are easily disturbed.

**Alternate Universe to Half-blood Prince.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Dark Dances, Burned Bridges

* * *

The summer holiday was miserable. Remus was preparing to enter his final year at Hogwarts, and the war around them was escalating. Rowena had come no closer to forgiving her brother—both for rejecting her personally when she went to school, and for his selectively and poorly executed Prefect duties when it came to his friends' viciousness against Severus. 

John and Rebecca Lupin couldn't fathom what had happened between their two children to cause such a rift. Rowena refused to be in the same room with Remus, and Remus refused to allow their parents to force the issue. Rowena was still blissfully ignorant of his lycanthropy, but when she learned of it, as she surely would, the attempt on Severus' life would become all the more serious from her perspective. He couldn't bear the reproach and disgust in her eyes.

Rowena spent the summer reading and studying for the upcoming year. As she had already studied these books and subjects when Remus was assigned them four years before, it seemed somewhat of a waste. When she tired of the revision, she switched to her more advanced sciences, and also persuaded her father to buy her more Defence Against the Dark Arts books. She still held to her desire to be an Auror.

Her father brought her to work with him often. He didn't like the idea of his daughter taking on such a dangerous career, and so had her make rounds with him to visit patients who had been the particular victims of Dark Wizards. Voldemort seemed to be growing stronger by the hour, and had a group of powerful and frightening followers that called themselves "Death Eaters".

She was disgusted and horrified by what she saw, but it only strengthened her resolve to be an Auror and help put a stop to such atrocities. This required her to ignore the tiny voice in her head, which constantly listed all the reasons she was so unsuited to such a career choice.

Another more important and nagging worry seeped into her mind as well. Some of the rumoured Death Eaters shared last names with many of Severus' allies at school. Worse, when she happened to mention his name to her father as a skilled Potions student, John paled and asked if he was related to Devin Snape. Rowena, of course, had no idea.

"I don't know who he's related to, Daddy. He's in Remus' year, but in Slytherin House. I only know he studies a lot and he's really good at potions. Why? Does it matter?"

John sighed and said, "Maybe. Devin Snape is a dangerous wizard with known Dark connections. He had a son that'd be about that age… it must be the same boy. Devin Snape's wife was found savagely beaten to death about the time the boy was supposed to go to school. The child wasn't found in the house. Devin said his son had run off and didn't expect to see him again. The man didn't seem the least concerned about the boy's fate. Devin paid off a lot of people to get out of charges of killing his wife; he claimed she 'fell down the stairs'.

"They're a dangerous family all the way around. Generations of supporting the Dark Arts. They'd been wealthy at one point, but Devin's father spent most of the fortune paying off the authorities to keep out of trouble. So, he married his son off to a wealthy pureblood girl, from France, I think I heard. I can't imagine what kind of horrible life she must have had until the end. He's got her money now, though. Nasty business."

He sighed heavily and put an arm around her. "That's the kind of family and power you'd be fighting against as an Auror, Rowena. You might catch someone you know is as evil as the day is long, and someone else will come right along and pay off the right people with the right bribes, and they'll be free. And they always seek vengeance. It's a dangerous job, and one I'd rather not see you in."

This planted the first firm seeds of doubt in Rowena's mind. She would have made every effort to ignore and overcome her own timidity and weaknesses. She really _wanted _ to fight the Dark wizards. However, suddenly she imagined that if Severus was one, or became one, maybe even joined the Death Eaters, she might one day be forced into combat with him. (The derisive internal voice laughed at the idea of her successfully standing in combat with _anyone_. She continued, resolutely, to ignore it.)

She couldn't imagine being willing to fight against him in that way. The new information of his family—surely it was he, he was the only Snape at Hogwarts—made her realise that his lust for vengeance and power probably had far deeper roots than a schoolboy feud.

Her heart filled with sadness for him. Sadness at the boy he was, who maybe had been beaten himself, or perhaps made to watch helplessly as his mother was abused. No wonder he cloaked himself in dark bitterness and stoicism. Her compassion and understanding for him deepened still further, as did her fascination.

* * *

Her third year. His seventh. After this year, she would likely never see him again, unless she did indeed become an Auror and saw him in opposite sides of combat. She spent the train ride with her friends from Ravenclaw, having finally developed some over the preceding year, though she maintained her Slytherin ones as well. 

She didn't see Severus until the Opening Feast. He was taller still again, but thinner and paler than ever. Blackness seemed to pour forth from his very soul. Younger students cringed and moved quickly away if he even glanced at them. His bitter, sneering scowl was a permanent part of his visage. His marks remained stellar, and he did not engage in any obvious or open hostilities with anyone. Yet he spoke to none but his own small group of 'allies'. He did not date or seem to pay attention to girls at all. It was as though the Darkness within him consumed him and left room for nothing else.

Still, he intrigued Rowena. Something in her core being reached out to him in understanding and compassion. She couldn't believe that his choice was one of true evilness of his own character, but rather the result of the gnawing anger and desire for revenge that she had seen in him. She continued to hope that he would find his way out of the pit in which he had placed himself.

He still somehow remained less cruel to her, if he had occasion to speak with her. Once she asked his advice on a Potions Essay: "The Five Primary uses of Dragon's Blood in Potions". She had four, but simply could not find the fifth. She had been working on it for days. At last, in desperation, she had asked him when she came upon him studying in the library.

He had raised his mocking eyebrow at her and silently held out his hand for her essay. Reading it quickly, he set it upon the table and marked a few lines on the parchment. When he handed it back to her, he met her eyes and gave her a rare smirk.

"This is quite adequate for a third-year student."

She was in raptures. _"Quite adequate!" _ Coming from him, that was extravagant praise indeed. Beaming at him radiantly, she gently accepted the parchment. Something unrecognised flitted across his impassive face as he looked into her smiling one, and for an instant his expression was less harsh. The moment was so fleeting that she barely noticed it. He quickly returned his attention to his book and said no more.

She recopied the entire essay so she could save the parchment with his writing on it.

* * *

As an olive branch, Remus invited Rowena to go with him to the Yule Ball that year as his guest. As a third-year, she couldn't attend unless invited by an older student. She would have refused, except that she knew Severus would be there. If nothing else, she longed to see him in his dress robes. She accepted as graciously as she could. Remus knew of her consuming crush on Snape—and hated it—but he kept his mouth shut, as he didn't want to worsen their relationship further. 

The Ball was a beautiful thing. The Great Hall was decorated fabulously; the music was current and popular. Everyone was radiant in their best dress robes. Rowena wore dark burgundy silk robes that were simple and elegant. Remus helped her do up her hair as he used to before she came to Hogwarts, delighted that she allowed him that gesture of affection they had once shared. Together, they put it in an elegant bun with fine ringlets at her ears. He gave her a small pearl pendant as a Christmas gift, with matching teardrop earrings. For a skinny, mousy-coloured, thirteen-year-old girl, she looked reasonably pretty.

Upon arriving at the ball, she joined her own group of friends, and Remus his. Severus was there and looked much the same, as his dress robes were as black as everything else he wore. But they were a fine cut and tailored to him well. She had always thought him ruggedly handsome, prominent nose notwithstanding, and she could hardly take her eyes off of him.

He caught her staring once and gave her a rather unpleasant smirk. She danced once with her brother, a few times with some of the boys from her House, and very briefly with a seventh year Slytherin boy named Warrington. He wanted to dance with her further, but she didn't like the way he kept trying to hold her closer and let his hands wander. The way he looked at her gave her chills, so she avoided him as best as she could the rest of the evening.

Surreptitiously, she managed to often be standing near Severus, usually by chatting with her friends from Slytherin. He danced with no one and didn't even seem to be there with a date, though many Slytherin girls flirted with him outrageously. Their attentions seemed entirely wasted.

Some of the Slytherins seemed to be drinking from a flask they were passing around under the table. At one point in the evening, Severus came over to her and gave her a mocking smile. His eyes were dark with some hidden amusement and his words seemed slightly slurred. He had obviously taken his share of turns with the ubiquitous flask.

"Ah, the noble Miss Lupin. You do clean up nicely, I must say. Perhaps you care to dance?" He held out his hand to her, and her heart pounded in joyous fright, thinking he was asking to dance with her. Tentatively she placed her hand in his and immediately flushed at the feel of his very warm skin against her own.

But instead, he smiled cruelly at her and said, "You have been very unkind to my friend, Warrington."

He held fast to her hand, while beckoning the other boy to come over to them with his other. "I think he rather fancies you. You really should learn to be more sociable."

With a mocking laugh, he tried to give Warrington her hand. "You should dance together." Warrington leered at her, grinning hungrily. She pulled away, mortified, and the two boys laughed at her apparent distress.

Thankfully, Remus came over at that moment, sensing her discomfort, and led her away to the dance floor. When she next saw Severus as she danced with her brother, he was smirking at her derisively.

He was not completely unaffected by her, however. Somehow the raw hurt in her eyes stabbed at whatever remainder of a conscience he possessed. He looked quickly away and stole another drink from the flask.

At last the dancing was over and they were dismissed to their dormitories. One of her earrings had fallen off, and she was obliged to stop to look for it. So it was that Rowena was quite a distance behind the rest of the Ravenclaw group when a hand clapped over her mouth and another around her waist from behind, and she was dragged her into a dark broom closet.

A wand came out and a silencing spell was placed upon her so she couldn't speak or scream, and then a small lantern was lit. Warrington was there in the closet with her, leering viciously. He stepped closer. The rancid smell of old drink tainted his breath, so that the cupboard seemed to reek of it.

"I think you owe me a kiss, little Rowena. You avoided me all evening, and now I will have it," he said as he lunged for her.

He was much larger than she was, and easily pinned her arms against her sides. She couldn't reach her wand, and in an instant he had confined both of her wrists in one of his enormous hands. She was fighting, screaming silently due to the spell, but all her struggles were ineffectual.

He brought his face to hers in a horrible mockery of a lover's kiss and tried to viciously force his tongue into her mouth. The smell and taste of him was vile, but his hand had grabbed her hair and she could not turn away. In an instinctive, defensive movement, she bit his tongue as hard as she could, gagging on the blood but gaining a moment's reprieve.

Warrington howled in agony, oblivious to the fact that _he_ was not silent. Flying into a rage, he began beating her savagely, punching her in the face, pummeling her chest so that ribs broke, ripping off her dress in one swift motion and preparing himself to finish what he had intended to do. He threw her onto the floor and forced her legs onto his shoulders as he lunged forward, painfully dislocating one of her hips in the process. Drunken fumbling with his own garments prevented his final conquest, as the door suddenly flew open.

Standing there, silhouetted in the blinding brilliance of the light from the corridor compared to the darkness of the closet, stood Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter. Remus grabbed Warrington and bodily threw him out of the cupboard, into the waiting arms of Sirius and James. They responded with enthusiasm and began to beat the boy as though he was nothing but a convenient punching bag. Pettigrew stood in lookout for teachers.

Remus conjured a blanket and wrapped it carefully around the beaten, bloody form of his sister. He lifted her easily and carried her quickly to the hospital wing.

Rowena's nose was broken, leaving her with a bloodied face and two alarmingly blackened eyes. She had a concussion, numerous broken ribs, a broken arm and collarbone, and a dislocated hip. Warrington had not succeeded in the worst violation, but it was bad enough. Madam Pomfrey treated her injuries, while Remus stayed, holding her hand and refusing to leave her.

They had been there just over a quarter of an hour when the hospital wing door burst open. Severus stormed in, floating the unconscious form of Warrington before him. Remus stood to block his way, wand out and rage etched in every feature.

"Out of the way, Lupin. Your friends have beaten him nearly to death. He needs treatment _now_. You are all in enough trouble as it is," Severus said, his voice its most dangerous silk.

Remus' voice, in contrast, was a harsh, savage growl as he nearly shouted, "Get that scum out of here, or I will kill him myself! They beat him nearly to death because he tried to rape Rowena, and almost killed _her _ in the process!"

Rowena let out a choked sob from behind him, conscious of the goings on, but unable to speak or move due to her injuries. Still, she wouldn't have wanted her attack announced, especially not to Severus Snape!

Severus, however, stopped cold in his tracks. If possible, his pale face became paler. His voice for once lacked its bitterness, as he simply snapped out, "_What?"i _

Remus gestured to the bed behind him, and Severus took a step to the side so he could see the figure lying there. Her delicate face was horribly deformed, her eyes swelling shut, each breath coming painfully, and she was still trembling violently from shock and fear.

"Bloody hell," Severus swore in a much softer voice. He then stepped over to the side of her bed. Painful remembrances of his mother's numerous injuries threatened to overwhelm him, but he pushed them aside with the practised ease of his new found coldness. Still, he was not unmoved by the girl's plight.

"Miss Lupin, I assure you that this behaviour is not condoned by anyone in Slytherin House, regardless of what you may have been taught to think of us—even in light of our playfulness at your expense this evening. This will not go unpunished, far beyond whatever the law does in this regard, I assure you."

He then nodded to Remus, waved his wand again, and wafted the beaten body of Warrington back out of the hospital wing. Warrington was transported to St. Mungo's, and never seen at Hogwarts as a student again.

Remus stayed with Rowena night and day. He didn't leave for meals, for class, to sleep, nothing. She was terrified and traumatised emotionally, in addition to her physical injuries. It was a full week before she was willing to leave the hospital wing, and another before she felt adequate to attending classes.

Her brother and his friends seemed to take her personal security as their own responsibility, and from that moment on she was escorted everywhere by someone from Gryffindor House.

Apparently, on the night of the ball, when her House Prefect had found that she had not returned to the dorm, he had notified the Head Boy, Potter. Potter had grabbed his friends, and together they had looked for her. They still believed her to be only Remus' distant cousin, but it did not change their enthusiasm to protect her. So it was that they had arrived in time to put an end to the assault.

* * *

The rest of the school year was nearly uneventful, though she kept to herself even more than usual. She was too embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened to be quite so assertive about being near Severus. In addition, some of her Slytherin 'friends' blamed her for Warrington's expulsion, leaving her disinclined to maintain the relationships. 

However, things changed dramatically for her again late in the spring when her Defence Against the Dark Arts class was assigned a particular essay—on werewolves. Suddenly, a lifetime of mysterious i _visits /i _ that Remus took where she was never allowed to go clicked.

Remus happened to come to check up on her while she worked in the library. It was a glorious day outside, so the library was empty of students except for Rowena. This was deliberate, as she generally only came during times when there wasn't likely to be many other people inside. When she spotted him, she glowered at him, waving her essay in his face.

"How long?" she asked, angrily.

He looked at the essay and paled visibly. Running a hand through his hair, he sat down at the table across from her and gently handed back the parchment.

"Since the day you were born," he replied simply.

She stared at him in stunned horror, gaping like a fish. It took several long moments of heavy, uncomfortable silence before she could catch one of the whirlwind thoughts spinning through her mind, and focus upon it enough to speak coherently.

"This is why you wouldn't claim me as sister, isn't it? You thought you were protecting me? But I suppose Potter and Black and Pettigrew know?" He nodded and her voice raised a notch.

"You could tell _them_, trust _them_, but not _me_?" Years of hurt and loneliness washed over her.

"You chose your _friends _ over your _sister_. I hope you are pleased with your choice, Remus!"

With painful shock, another piece fell into place, and she became even angrier.

"_That's _what Black did last March, isn't it? He somehow wanted to get you to attack Severus when you were…."

She couldn't complete her sentence, but Remus nodded miserably.

"But you're still friends with Black?" she choked, unable to believe the truth of it. "He tried to _kill _ someone, and use you as the tool to do it, and you _forgave _ him that?"

"Rowena, listen, let me explain, please?" he said imploringly. "Sirius is a bit reckless, that's all. He meant it as a prank, he didn't really think about anyone getting hurt.

"Besides, you know what Snape is like! Look how mean he was to you at the Yule Ball? He's evil to the core, Rowena. It doesn't justify what Sirius did, but it's between him and Snape, okay?"

She stood up, grabbing her bag, and shook her head. "No! It's not'_okay_'! Nothing can forgive that! He tried to kill Severus by turning _you _ into a _murderer_, and you _forgave _ him! Go away, Remus! I never want to see you again!"

Turning on her heel, she fled to her dorm, crying bitterly.

* * *

Her final weeks of that school year were painful ones. She had again shut herself off completely from her brother, and marked each passing day as taking her one step closer to the time when Severus would be gone from her life forever. 

Each House had stuffed animal replicas of their House creature, available for purchase. These opened along one seam to reveal parchment pages for a memory book of sorts, to collect mementos and autographs of fellow students. Rowena bought a Slytherin Snake, in addition to her Ravenclaw Eagle, and persuaded one of her remaining Slytherin friends to obtain Severus' signature for her. His was the only signature in the snake, and she hid it away with other "Severus Artifacts", to be looked at often when he was long gone from her life.

Leave-taking day arrived. The final feast was as glorious as all other Hogwarts feasts, but the seventh year students were notably subdued with the sort of melancholy excitement which heralds the end of one phase of life, and the beginning of another. When Dumbledore's closing speech was over, the seventh-years rose from the table as one, and left the school.

He was gone and a huge hole settled in her heart.


	7. Chapter 7: Choices and Redemptions

This is a fanfiction based in JKR's world of Harry Potter. Original characters are mine. All others are hers. Please see the first chapter for full disclaimers and credits to my wonderful team of betas. I've had a i _lot /i _ of help with this story!

An extra note for this chapter, I must credit JL and Adrianne for pointing out to me that Severus would have started his first year teaching during Rowena's final year at Hogwarts. I have as much trouble as JKR with dates! Also, JL portrays Severus on my roleplaying website, and that interpretation has colored my Severus' teaching style you will see briefly here. Thank you!

**Alternate Universe to Half-blood Prince.**

* * *

Chapter7: Choices and Redemptions

* * *

That summer, suffering from all the angst of a thirteen-year-old girl who has lost her first crush, Rowena indulged herself in a fanciful gesture. She purchased a very beautifully illustrated copy of her favorite fairy-tale, "The Witch and the Animagus" which was the wizarding equivalent of the Muggle story, "Beauty and the Beast." It was a lovely, leather-bound tome with fine gold accents and hand painted illustrations--a very elegant book. This had been her favorite fairy-tale as a child, and Remus had read it to her often. 

This copy, she magically modified. Everywhere it said "Beauty" or "witch", she put her own name, and every instance of "Beast" or "Animagus" was obliterated, replaced with "Severus". At the very end of the book, in her own delicate hand, she scribed, "And Severus and Rowena Snape lived together, happily ever after."

It was silly. It was irrational. It was childish. But it soothed her sorrow somewhat, and she hid the book away for no one but herself to see, cherishing and reading it often.

* * *

Remus had not returned home after he completed school. Voldemort was becoming stronger all the time, and Dumbledore had asked him for assistance, which Remus gave whole-heartedly. 

Where he lived, none of them knew. But he wrote often to their mother, and assured her that he was well. Determined to make his own way in the world, he refused to burden his family with his condition any longer, nor did he wish to rely on their charity. His marks in school had been excellent, and if not for the slight matter of the lycanthropy, he would have been easily employable just about anywhere.

* * *

Rowena spent all her holidays with her father at St. Mungo's. He had not given up his hope that she would become a Healer, or at least abandon the desire to become an Auror. He kept her with him during the worst, most severe cases of Dark Magic injuries. Sometimes she treated Aurors wounded in their line of work. Sometimes she helped with victims of the Death Eaters—though these were rarely found alive; or, if alive, they were often beyond mortal aid. 

Sometimes she actually treated injured Death Eaters themselves. St. Mungo's helped everyone without discrimination. If a Death Eater was injured, then they were given proper treatment, under strict guard of course, before being remanded into custody of the authorities.

One of these Death Eaters had been an ally of Severus'. He recognized her as she treated him. Wilkes was his surname; she had never known his given name.

"You're that Ravenclaw girl that hung out with the some of the Slytherins, aren't you? You'll be done with school soon?" he asked her, through gritted teeth, as she tended a long gash across his chest.

Rowena refused to meet his eyes for a moment. It was hard for her to imagine a classmate, even a Slytherin one, knowingly and willingly being Death Eater with all that it entailed. She had seen enough to know of the sheer inhumanity of their actions.

Finally she looked at him and nodded. "Yes. I'm about to start my final year. And yes, some of my friends are from Slytherin."

Wilkes was barely more than a boy himself, maybe about twenty years old now. She didn't want to hear the answer to her next question—she thought she already knew the truth in her heart. Yet somehow she couldn't leave it unspoken.

"Do you see Mr Snape much since leaving school?" she asked with an air of unconcern, as though making casual conversation.

Wilkes snorted, and replied snidely, "Now see here. I'd be good as dead if I started spouting off names, even to such a mousy little innocent like yourself."

He grinned somewhat evilly, and then pulled up the sleeve of his left arm, exposing an ugly red tattoo of a skull with a snake protruding obscenely from its mouth like some horrible parody of a tongue. "Next time you see Snape, you look here. That'll answer your question for you. The faithful's all got 'em, as I'm sure you know.

"You might check Warrington, too, if given the chance—I think you remember him, eh? He attacked some girl during our last year and got himself expelled. Took him a while to recover after Severus and Lucius finished with him. They've both got twisted senses of honor and propriety. Took it upon themselves to teach him a lesson, so to speak."

She paled visibly at the Mark, at the words, at the memory of the boy who had attacked her. Even the thought that Severus had some hand in "teaching him a lesson" was not soothing. Wilkes sat quietly as she finished his treatment, and then the guard came and took him away.

The knowledge he had left barely unspoken—that Severus was indeed one of the "faithful"—decided her on one thing. She would not be an Auror. She knew what atrocities the Death Eaters could commit. She had lately seen evidence of horribly complex poisons designed to cause maximum pain and a slow death—concoctions whose subtlety she felt certain was a signature of Severus' own creation.

Yet even this could not dull the hold he had over her heart. Assuming she would qualify for and pass Auror training, she would not fight him; she would not allow herself to be put in the position to make such a choice necessary. She would not even try.

* * *

This resolve had not decreased—the rational voice in her head had long since convinced her she was not cut out to be an Auror in any case—but it no longer had the same urgency when she arrived at Hogwarts on September first. 

There, sitting at the staff table, was the man whom she had thought never to see again. Severus Snape. As a seventh-year, her seat was nearest the doors, furthest from the staff table, and yet there was no mistaking him. What was he here to teach?

If he was teaching, surely he wasn't a Death Eater?

Had he ever been?

The questions were impossible to answer, but her heart pounded in her ears as she stared, gaping, open-mouthed—until her friend poked her in the ribs.

"You'll drool onto your plate if you're not careful," Emmeline said with a laugh in her voice. "He's not going anywhere—you can stare more subtly from your seat."

Her horrible, burning blush became worse as Severus chose that moment to glance away from his conversation with Flitwick, seeming to stare right through her from across the Hall. She sat down quickly, and spent the rest of the meal trying to be as small as possible.

Potions! Oh, sweet Merlin, why did he have to be teaching her worst subject? A groan of despair escaped her when Dumbledore announced the new appointment. She had received an 'E' on the O.W.L. at the end of her fifth year, but had barely scraped an 'A' last year. She knew very well how little patience he had for incompetence. It was bad enough that her fancy had not dimmed in the three years of his absence—to have to see him regularly, and have him see her in the worst possible light—seemed unbearable.

* * *

In the end, it was not so bad as she had feared. In years to come, someone with her marks would never have made it into his N.E.W.T. class, but as this was his first year teaching the subject, he was not given the option to be more selective with his students. 

He was a harsh instructor, as she knew he would be, but his impatience was with stupidity. He was never kind or complimentary, even to the best students like her friend Emmeline. But she thought he was fair, and she could not deny that she learned a great deal.

Rowena's weakness stemmed from her strength—maths, concrete figures and calculations. If she could read it in a book, touch it, measure it, and see it, she could handle the subject well. Potions had too much subjectivity—a 'dash' of this, a 'pinch' of that, a 'drop' of the other. She could not quantify those things, so they made her nervous and insecure. How could her potion turn out the same as Emmeline's when her 'handful' of chopped roots was inherently smaller because her _hand _ was smaller?

She tried to find ways to make up for this deficiency. There were instruments available to those who would search for them. She purchased a more precise scale, delicate glass pipettes used in Muggle chemistry measurements for exact dispensing of liquids, and even tiny, precise measuring spoons and bowls that were supposed to give uniformity to the finest of powders—things such as 'dash' and 'pinch'….

Professor Snape caught her at it immediately. With silent intimidation, he swooped to her worktable in an impressive swish of billowing black robes, causing her to all but cower in her chair, desperately wishing she could melt into the floor and vanish. Scooping up the entire lot of expensive Muggle instruments, he stalked back to the front of the class and threw them all into the bin, where they crashed, shattered, and clanked with a spectacular amount of noise.

"This is not a Muggle chemistry class, Lupin!" he said irritably, with the same disdainful emphasis on her last name as she had heard him use when addressing her brother—though thankfully Dumbledore had assured her that Severus was, even now, unaware of the relationship.

The other students snickered at the sounds of the breaking glass and clinking metal still settling in the bin.

"Every potion is unique to the brewer. When you attempt to place precision where variables have been designed, you rob your potion of your unique touch—which also robs it of its efficacy."

He paced the front of the classroom, emphasizing the point for all the students to hear, though still directing his comments at her. She could feel her face burning hotly.

"You are a witch, not a Muggle. Do you understand that Muggles cannot create potions, even if they had the same instructions and ingredients? A Muggle would end up with a useless, but quite probably accidentally poisonous, Stew of Nothingness. The ingredients alone do not create the _magical _ effect we expect from a properly brewed potion.

"It is your _magic _ which is the final, but most important, ingredient of your potion. By withdrawing your individual variations, you strip your potion of your magic.

"Do not let me find that Muggle rubbish in this classroom again," he finished, threateningly. "Ten points from Ravenclaw. Begin your potion—properly."

She never did completely get the hang of that variability, though she never stopped trying her best. Thankfully, her essay work counterbalanced her less than exemplary brewing, and she was able to scrape an 'Acceptable' in the final exam—barely.

She also struggled not to draw any attention to herself in his lessons after that incident. It was difficult not to be more than a little disappointed that she succeeded in the endeavor magnificently. He paid her no more notice than any other student.

* * *

In October of this year, the war officially ended. You-Know-Who killed Lily and James Potter, and then attacked their infant son. The baby, somehow, miraculously survived, while You-Know-Who, apparently, did not. Hogwarts was sheltered and isolated from the worst of the war, it was true, but the students joined in the jubilation of the rest of the Wizarding world over the news. 

She did feel a twinge of compassion and sympathy for her brother, as the news reached her over the next few days. One after another, he lost all his closest friends, each loss splashed brazenly across the front page of The Daily Prophet. James and Lily killed by You-Know-Who himself, and then Peter at the hands of Black, Black then rotting in Azkaban.

Her sympathy did not extend to a wish to see him. He had chosen his friends over her; she would let him live with that choice.

At last, she completed her own schooling. She apprenticed with her father and other Healers at St. Mungo's for several months after finishing school—still unsure if she would chose that career but enjoying the work. Eventually she decided against being a Healer as well. She was too shy to have her father's soothing bedside manner, or interact with strangers in a stressful environment all day long.

She remained fascinated by the more complex sciences and learning the "how and why" of magic, not being satisfied with the standard, "because it's magic and it just works that way" answer. She truly wanted to know _why_ it worked.

In the end, about six months out of school, she accepted a position at the Ministry for Magic, in Research and Development. It suited her well, though her father was disappointed she did not choose Healing, and Flitwick that she did not choose to be an Auror.

She started at the bottom, of course, with Household Charms and Enchantments, but the department was huge, with many sub-departments. Eventually she was promoted to Security Wards, Concealments and Alarms, with the hope of one day moving to Combative Spell Research. It wasn't so grandiose as being an Auror or a Healer, but she felt useful and enjoyed the work.

* * *

She settled in quickly among the other researchers at the lab. As a whole, they were a socially awkward bunch for a variety of reasons, bookish and shy. They tended to be most comfortable in quiet isolation with stacks of research surrounding them. They were friendly though, and if they could be brought to conversation, they were ready enough to chat. 

Rowena's cubicle was soon dotted with pictures from Hogwarts. It didn't take long for the analytical minds of her coworkers to notice and comment on the appearance of the boy in each photo. They would tease her gently, but she would merely blush and insist it was coincidence, and it would be left at that.

However, she developed a close friendship with one of the girls near her age, and eventually confided the story of her fascination with Severus Snape, swearing her to secrecy.

Elizabeth was a good confidant. She was not prone to gossip or teasing, and so Rowena's secret was safe. It was pleasant to have someone with whom to discuss her fascination and sadness. Elizabeth even managed not to be shocked or disgusted that Rowena thought he might have been a Death Eater, and yet still clung to her hope that there had been some sort of extenuating circumstance. After all, would Dumbledore really have allowed him to teach if he had been a Death Eater?

Lizzy also proved to be a serendipitous choice in a friend. When Voldemort had been apparently vanquished in the attack on Harry Potter, the resultant confusion among the Death Eaters had led to numerous captures and trials. Elizabeth had a sister, Jessica, who was the court reporter for the Wizengamot. Elizabeth was able to provide Rowena with the missing pieces in support of her blind but determined faith.

* * *

Rowena was at home one evening after work, alone and reading in her small, tidy flat when a knock came on the door. It was Elizabeth, and she looked breathless and excited. 

"Rowena," she gasped, "I had to come straight away and tell you! You mustn't breathe a word to another soul. If word got out that she had told anyone, she would lose her job, and maybe go to Azkaban herself. But Jessie just told me the most amazing thing, and I knew I had to tell you."

Rowena grinned and said, "Of course, Elizabeth. I would never betray your confidence, you know that. But I admit, I'm dying of curiosity! Tell me quick, what has you in such a state?"

Elizabeth drew her to the couch and sat beside her, holding both of Rowena's hands in her own.

"I asked Jessica if she'd ever heard anything… you know, about Professor Snape when all those trials were going on. Don't look at me like that," she chided, "I was careful. Besides Jessie loves to talk about interesting cases. She said she remembered that one especially because Dumbledore himself came and testified on Professor Snape's behalf.

"It wasn't a proper trial—they didn't have official charges against him. Jessie thinks that Dumbledore wanted it all kept quiet—he had a lot of influence in the Ministry in those days. Not like now.

"Anyway, Dumbledore testified that Snape had been a Death Eater, but had turned spy—over a year before Harry Potter was attacked. 'At great personal risk,' Dumbledore said. He even said, 'Severus Snape is now no more a Death Eater than I am.' Jessie says she remembers it so clearly because Dumbledore was so resolute.

"Rowena—Professor Snape was working _for_ Dumbledore _against_ You-Know-Who for over a _year _ before the war ended! I had to tell you, knowing how you feel about him."

Rowena absorbed the news in a state of shock. If she hadn't been sitting down, she might have actually fainted from sheer relief. As it was, she squeezed Elizabeth's hands tightly, as though to make sure she was real. She was pale and wide-eyed in wonder, but couldn't help disbelieving.

"Oh, Eliza—are you sure? Are you absolutely certain?"

The blonde woman smiled at her friend and nodded. "It's true, Rowena. Just as you've always hoped. Somehow, he found his own way back, his own redemption, just like you said."

Rowena was so overwhelmed that she burst into tears. Elizabeth enfolded her into a hug, and let the storm of emotion pass.

* * *

Rowena's life settled into a state of normality after this, just as the rest of the Wizarding world did. She dated some, but nothing serious. Promotions came with reasonable regularity, as she immersed herself in her research, rapidly becoming one of the most productive in her lab. She even invented a personal-protection charm to help her overcome her lingering fear, which was residual from Warrington's attack. 

She loved her work, and enjoyed her friends. Craving independence, she purchased a small flat in Muggle London and warded it carefully. She maintained regular contact with her parents, but heard nothing from Remus, except through her mother's letters, and kept it that way.

Many of her colleagues at the Ministry had children who were students at Hogwarts. In this way, she contrived to hear a little of Severus. It seemed that he was rather unpopular as a Professor, as the students believed him to be too strict and the parents, of course, sided with their children.

Rowena smiled inwardly. He was indeed a harsh taskmaster, as she knew first-hand. But students leaving his classes with passing grades would be well versed in potions, of that she was certain.

She made no attempt to see him in person. He had no reason to remember a few fleeting conversations with a Ravenclaw girl four years his junior, or a particularly unremarkable N.E.W.T. student; especially from a time of his life when he was combating his own personal hell.

It was enough that she could content herself with the knowledge that he was alive, well, and redeemed. If part of the reason she couldn't develop serious relationships with any other man was because they all fell short in comparison to him, well, that was her own doing.

She was satisfied with the life she had chosen. Weekdays were filled with a satisfying career. On weekends, she often volunteered at the Children's Wing of St. Mungo's, particularly tending the children orphaned in the war. She had friends, hobbies and interests. All was comfortable, if admittedly a bit dull.

Until Voldemort returned.

* * *

A/N: This completes the Prologue. I hope you will read Lost Souls Found to follow Rowena and Severus through the second war. I love to hear comments and constructive criticism from my readers. Please let me know what you think. 


End file.
